I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
