Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
