Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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