I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
