Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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