the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
