He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
