five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
