so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
