Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The feeling are messing with the penis
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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