Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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