so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
smell my finger.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
