I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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