Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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