I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
