How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
