I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
