She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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