Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
