the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
