Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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