Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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