this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
