Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
