dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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