Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
