He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dating After Heartbreak
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad