just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.