Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.