omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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