He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
