if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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