Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
