Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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