Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
