I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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