nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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