The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
