I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
