So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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