when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
