My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
