Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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