oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
