i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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