You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
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I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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