waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
