I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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