I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
