God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
