I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
