How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
