I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
