I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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