No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
