lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
