Buhtt sex?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
