I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize