I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
