Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
