I think my vagina is haunted
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
