Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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