are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
