ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
