we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
