So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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