question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
