she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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