just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's blow job season.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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