YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
